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A Hamburger Worth Living For???

Todd — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:12:14 +0000

Police in Portsmouth, New Hampshire have saved a man’s life by offering him a hamburger.

Around 2 a.m. on November 19, Officer Scott Pearl and Detective Tim Black responded to a call regarding a man who had climbed to the top of the Interstate 95 bridge over the Piscataqua River, which serves as the border between Maine and New Hampshire. They found an unidentified male atop the high-level bridge. Traffic was stopped, and a Coast Guard boat was put on stand-by in the water below.

“He was on the highest piece of the structure where there are no railings or safety nets,” Pearl told Elizabeth Dinan of Seacoast Online. (File photos from her article are below. Pearl is the one with the police K-9 “Wess.” It is not known whether Wess was on duty at the time of the incident.)

The man had apparently left a suicide note at police headquarters 30 minutes earlier, prompting authorities to put out an alert for his vehicle. At the bridge, Pearl and Black recognized the abandoned vehicle as belonging to someone they were familiar with. Black even knew that the man had recently lost his job, was having marital problems, and had been sleeping in his truck.

The officers began a dialogue with the suicidal man, talking with him through the early-morning hours and almost until dawn. On a night when the temperatures had dropped to 28 degrees, the officers ultimately appealed to the would-be jumper with an offer he could warm up to.

Community Affairs Captain Mike Schwartz told Charles McMahon of Foster’s Daily Democrat, “They talked to him about coming down to eat a hamburger. It was pretty cold and miserable at the time, and he seemed to appeal to that.”

“I offered him someplace warm and a bite to eat and someone to listen,” said Black.

As the man made his way down, officers moved back so “he didn’t feel like he was confronted,” according to Pearl. Black added, “It was pretty emotional for him, as well as a breath of fresh air for us to see his feet on the ground.”

In the Hollywood version of the story, this is the moment when the cops slap cuffs on the man and haul him downtown, charge him with a public nuisance or trespassing rap, and send him for psychiatric evaluations while the duo rides off, trading snappy wisecracks en route to their next adventure.

Instead, Pearl and Black made good on their offer and ponied up for burgers from the Buck Horn Family Restaurant, attached to the TA TravelCenter at Exit 3 on I-95.

(Sidebar: I know that I’m spoiled, living in a big city. I sometimes take for granted that I can get my cheeseburger fix any time day or night at any one of a dozen different establishments. But is a truck stop really the only place to grab a ‘burg at 5:30 a.m. in Greenland, New Hampshire?!? Yikes.)

Back at the station, the three men ate and talked. “Eating and spending time with him really helped him relax,” reported Pearl. Still, said Black, “We told him we’re not psychologists. We convinced him to go to the emergency room for some help.” And no charges are expected to be filed.

To protect and serve, indeed.

Dynamite in Dallas: Twisted Root Burger Co.

Todd — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 19:31:21 +0000

With just one long weekend in Big D, I had a small window of opportunity to do some cheeseburger taste testing. My Cowboys Stadium experience ended in a tie (great game, lame burger). None of the Smashburgers in Dallas had opened quite yet. I set out to find an awesome local burger with critical acclaim… the kind of joint I’d be hitting with regularity if I lived there. The Metroplex’s answer to my hometown Vortex, I suppose.

I found it in the neighborhood of Deep Ellum, within sight of the Dallas skyline. It’s called Twisted Root Burger Co., and as the hand-painted window proclaimed, “It’s a Slap-Yo-Mama Good Burger.”

Twisted Root, as I learned, has a pretty unique pedigree. It was started by a couple of dudes who were looking to embark on second careers in the world of culinary arts. Having walked away from jobs in the corporate arena, these were now-classically-trained chefs who, according to one, could “make Alaskan King crab legs in a champagne-pomegranate sauce,” but found themselves “always frustrated by the lack of a quality burger” locally. They started Twisted Root, now “the only trained-chef-driven burger joint in town and one of the few restaurants that has its own pastry chef.”

The masses have responded and positively flock there. I stopped by at noon on a Monday, and the line stretched out the door and onto the front sidewalk: a good sign of a great burger. I saw several law enforcement officials: armed plainclothes cops, even Dallas SWAT members in line: an even better sign. I was starting to think I was onto something here.

Twisted Root’s burgers are half-pounders made up of a special blend of chuck and brisket, though they also offer turkey, buffalo, black bean, venison, and even ostrich. They offer 6 kinds of cheese and 10 toppings, so you can create your own masterpiece. Or go with one of their Specialty Burgers, the staff’s suggestions printed on the chalkboard menu:

Twisted Root takes its side items pretty damn seriously, too. “Roots” come as twisted French fries or hand-cut sweet potato chips. Also available: onion rings, fried pickles, or fried green beans. Can’t decide? Get the “Fried Ride,” a sampler platter containing all of the above:

I got the Western Burger, Chef Steve’s favorite. (He’s the pastry chef; I knew his tastes would be well-aligned with my own.) It’s topped with pepperjack, bacon, jalapenos, and “a big fat onion ring.”

What I got looked outstanding to be sure, although the “big fat onion ring” had mysteriously turned into a “big fat pile of onion straws.” Not a dealbreaker, I guess, but a slight bummer nonetheless.

Any disappointment I harbored, however, quickly vanished with my first bite. This was exactly the kind of burger I had been hoping to find here in cattle country. Superb meat: juicy and tasty, well-seasoned and expertly cooked to perfection. The toppings were a wonderful blend of textures and tastes. The jalapenos and pepperjack offered just the right bit of heat without ever turning the Western into a flamethrower-on-a-bun.

I was tempted to go back and try a second burger, but the line was still a dozen deep. I settled for the next best thing: one of Twisted Root’s incredible milkshakes, offered in several flavors. I got peanut butter, with a huge dollop of PB purposely stuck on the end of the spoon. Wow.

Thank you, Twisted Root, for saving my burgergoing journey to Dallas. Now I have a reason to go back. And a must-visit spot to hit when I do.

Smashburger Set to Rock Dallas

Todd — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:27:04 +0000

In my last post, I lamented the lackluster cheeseburger being served at the sparkly new home stadium of the Dallas Cowboys. Perhaps a few of the players were unimpressed with the homefield concessions as well, because two gridiron gladiators have taken matters into their own meaty hands.

Leonard Davis, the Cowboys’ 6-foot-6, 353-pound right guard, leads a local business development group appropriately named BIGG Capital Holdings. Next week, he’ll open the first of 30 Smashburger restaurants in the Metroplex. “I’ve had great success in the NFL and my career with the Cowboys continues to drive me,” Davis told the Dallas Business Journal. “But I wanted a business opportunity that made sense with my life after football. Smashburger has all the right things in place to be a huge success in Dallas and nationwide.” The man who plays next to Davis on the O-line, Marc Colombo, has also signed on to invest and participate in 5 of the restaurants.

Smashburger is an up-and-coming player in the fast-casual gourmet burger biz (think Five Guys), with a handful of locations currently in just 11 states. But the Colorado-based chain has plans to get over 200 locations up and running in the next 5 years, from California to New Jersey.

Smashburger’s goal is to be “Every City’s Favorite Burger Place.” Jonathan McNamara took this tasty shot of the All-American Smashburger for the Phoenix New Times:

But the chain also tweaks the menu on a state-by-state basis, offering unique regional toppings exclusive to that locale. For example, an Arizona Smashburger has habanero cheese, guac, and chipotle mayo. The OK Smashburger (in Oklahoma) features fried pickles and buttermilk ranch dressing. An Idaho Smashburger is topped with potato chips and served on a potato bun. The new Dallas locations will follow suit, offering Big D-centric items like the DFW Dog and the Cowboy Cobb Salad, along with the open-faced Lonestar Smashburger, topped with cheddar, chili, and jalapenos.

But the real calling card for the chain is their cooking methodology. Rather than serve oversized, superthick hockey puck-shaped burgs, Smashburger opts for a thin patty. In the kitchen, a large meatball (half- or third-pounders) is dropped on a hot grill and then smashed with a heavy metal press, as shown above in Darin Mcgregor’s photo for The Rocky Mountain News. This searing technique, Smashburger’s owners claim, seals in the juices and creates a tastier burger.

To celebrate their Dallas debut, Smashburger is hosting a “Rock Your City” competition. Local bands are invited to submit a brief video performance via YouTube by Friday. The winning band, as chosen by fans, will play a one-hour set at the restaurant in Addison (a Dallas suburb) on grand opening weekend.

In addition, the winning band will be “paid in Smashburgers” and enjoy a sit-down lunch with Davis and Colombo after the NFL season ends. Davis and Colombo, along with fellow Cowboy lineman Cory Procter, in a nice bit of full-circle coincidence, happen to have their own hardcore heavy metal band called Free Reign:

From left to right, that’s Davis (guard/bass), Procter (guard/drums), Colombo (tackle/guitar/lead vocals), and non-NFL-star Justin Chapman (guitar). It looks like all 4 of them know a good cheeseburger when they see it, so this could be a match made in heaven.

Dallas welcomes Smashburger on November 18. For more on the “Rock Your City” contest, hit this.

Cowboys Stadium: How ‘Bout Them Burgers???

Todd — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 20:55:54 +0000

Everything, as the famous saying goes, is bigger in Texas. Nowhere in the Lone Star State is this maxim truer than in the city of Arlington, where the Dallas Cowboys opened their brand-new stadium a few months ago. At a total price of over 1 billion (yes, with a “B”) dollars, team owner Jerry Jones set out to do everything to the max.

He seems to have succeeded. Cowboys Stadium is the largest domed structure in the world. It can hold over 110,000 people. To get in, you enter through the largest working doors on earth: 120-foot-tall sliding glass doors that make up one whole side of the stadium. Then, of course, there’s this:

That’s the largest hi-def TV screen on the planet. 72 feet high by 160 feet wide. Over 25,000 square feet of video screen, weighing 1.2 million pounds. And oh, yeah… it hangs directly over the field, stretching from 20-yard-line to 20-yard-line.

As a lifelong Cowboys fan, I couldn’t wait to get down to Big D for my first game in the new digs. I was also excited about diving in to some new stadium food. I had heard that the team, as a matter of course, pulled out the stops with their concessions, going way above and beyond your basic hot dogs and peanuts. Sure enough, the list of menu options provided plenty of Western-themed surprises: BBQ brisket quesadillas, beef fajita tacos, churros, jalapeno sausage sandwich, Texas catfish po’boys, Texas Frito Pie… even, inexplicably, a New York-style Reuben!

But I had my sights squarely set on the Green Chile Kobe Burger. It sounded like everything that’s best about the Southwest and Texas, all in one convenient handheld package. Here’s where I would normally show you a picture of it, then wax poetic about how it looked, and finally gush at great length about how it tasted. I would do that about the Cowboys Stadium Green Chile Kobe Burger… except that I didn’t have a Cowboys Stadium Green Chile Kobe Burger.

The dirty little secret about the Palace in Dallas? The stadium may occupy 3 million square feet, but you can’t actually wander around all 3 million square feet. Two “club level” sections on either side of the field reach from goal line to goal line and can be accessed only by a club level ticket. I had great seats just 13 rows off the turf, but I did not have a club level ticket. The Green Chile Kobe Burger is in the club level. So are the BBQ brisket quesadillas, the Kobe Nacho Dog, the baby back ribs, the sweet potato fries, and the catfish po’boys. Hell, even the damn New York Reuben I didn’t want was off-limits to the riff-raff!

No, for us poor stiffs, our cheeseburger choices were a bit more limited:

That’s the Black Angus Cheeseburger. Not exactly the way it’s pictured on the LED menu screen directly above the cash register:

Still, there was reason for hope. There’s some seriously tasty stadium grub out there. The double cheeseburger at Fifth Third Ballpark in Michigan was one of the best burgs I’ve had all year.

I wish I could tell you that the Cowboys Stadium “Peasant Level” Black Angus Cheeseburger was a feat of culinary wizardry on par with the gleaming, state-of-the-art stadium it’s served in. But it’s not. It’s an average-at-best burger that’s maybe a touch better than your local fast-food shop’s dollar-menu offering… except it’s almost 9 times as expensive.

Sigh. On the upside, my view while eating the burger was spectacular:

Denny’s Enters Burger War, Draws Fire from Morrissey Fans

Todd — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 06:04:48 +0000

When I mention the Denny’s restaurant chain, what’s the first thing you think of? Probably the Grand Slam breakfast (although I was always a Moons Over My Hammy man myself). Or maybe their famous free-meal-on-your-birthday promotion, despite the fact that they scrapped the giveaways in 1993. What probably doesn’t spring to mind is their cheeseburger. Well, they’re hoping that’s about to change.

The largest full-service family restaurant chain in the US (about 1,500 locations) has introduced their “‘Burger-Joint-Inspired’ Better Burgers,” which they tout as being “too good to eat on the run.” There’s nothing particularly revolutionary about the five varieties being offered: Classic Cheeseburger, Double Cheeseburger, Bacon Cheddar Burger, Mushroom Swiss Burger, and the Western Burger. What’s most unusual, however, is the honest candor with which the chain compares them to the “retired burgers” previously on the menu.

Denny’s own website, in detailing their old burgers, cites “an unnatural taste,” “tougher texture and significantly reduced juiciness,” and “lack of discernable cheese presence and mouthfeel.” Again, these are their own burgers they’re talking about, not a competitor’s. They go on to describe lettuce that “wilts and turns black under heat” and margarine that “caused the buns to become soggy.” Really, Denny’s?!? THIS is how you’re going to lure me in to try your new menu item?!? By making past menu items sound like failed science experiments???

Hey, I appreciate a good upgrade. Telling me that the new burgers have a beef-to-bun ratio of 33-to-66-percent as opposed to the 25/75 of your old burgers sounds great. I’ve been proven wrong before about a burger from a “breakfast place.” And early reviews say that your new “Better Burgers” are exactly that. But maybe that “lack of discernable cheese presence” stuff is just too much information. If I know that those were the kinds of corners you were cutting before, how confident am I supposed to be now about strolling in and cracking open your new menu?

And then there’s this…

Just 8 days after Denny’s big burger announcement, Reno 911! actor Thomas Lennon tweeted that a ticket he had just purchased to singer/songwriter Morrissey’s L.A. concert included a coupon to try Denny’s new “Better Burger” for free after the December 10 show. He included this picture:

The only problem? Morrissey is a rabid vegetarian. Has been since he was 11. Has both a song and an album entitled “Meat is Murder.” Supposedly can’t be near the smell of meat without gagging and has walked off stage during concerts because of some fans cooking on a barbecue grill. So how the hell did this carnivorous cross-promotion get approved? I wonder just how many of his fans will actually be taking Denny’s up on their offer of a free post-encore entree…

But maybe Morrissey could use a little bit of protein himself. Just last week, the former Smiths frontman collapsed while performing on stage in England. According to reports, he “was having a hard time breathing” and was rushed to a nearby hospital in an ambulance.

I’m no doctor, Mister Morrissey, but perhaps a big fat double cheeseburger just might do you some good. I know where you can get a free one, birthday or not.

The Elvis Burger: A Hunka Hunka Oh-My-God

Todd — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:38:43 +0000

I’d been waiting for months to get back to the Vortex Bar and Grill in Atlanta’s uber-funky Little Five Points neighborhood. Living up in the ‘burbs with my white picket fence and my homeowners’ association dues and a minivan in my garage, swinging by my all-time favorite burger spot isn’t as simple as I’d like. I’d driven by plenty of times on my way here or there, had some plans with my wife fall through at the last minute back in September, and almost carved out time before a concert last month. But I hadn’t been back to the home of my B.C.O.M.L. in way too long.

Thankfully, I got a call from a friend looking for a good burger “on her side of town.” After informing her that these were perhaps the best burgers on any side of any town, we met up. No menu needed; I already knew exactly what I was getting.

Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present the Elvis Burger:

According to the Vortex’s wickedly witty menu, this half-pound hunk of burning love is “slathered with a King-sized helpin’ of smooth peanut butter, bacon, and fried bananas.”

My friend thought it was a joke. You know, like it’s printed on the menu for a good laugh, but not really available. But when our tattooed waitress jotted it down without skipping a beat and asked how I wanted it cooked, my friend freaked out just a little bit.

“Wait a minute. How many of those do you actually sell?!?”

Our waitress couldn’t really grasp why one would ask. “A lot,” she shrugged.

My mouth was literally watering as I waited. I’d been thinking about this burger since my first Double Coronary Burger. After my 24-hour fullness had subsided, I set my sights on Elvis, the next-most-outrageous burger on the menu. I’d been ready to get in touch with my inner Fat Elvis for months. And now, it was mere minutes away.

It was absolutely beautiful when it arrived at the table.

But I only learned this later. They keep it pretty dark in the Vortex anyway, but add their week-before-Halloween decorations and an overcast day, and it was like being in a cave. If not for a camera with a flash, I’d still have no idea what the Elvis looked like.

But I know exactly what it tastes like. The first sensation is the rush of creamy peanut butter. It floods your mouth with an oh-so-perfect salty sweetness (or is it sweet saltiness?). The bacon and fried bananas instantly blend with the peanut butter as you chew, and I was struck with the thought: if the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll had his own personal chef making peanut-butter-banana-and-bacon sandwiches for him on command 24/7, why the hell did he need drugs?!? This was pure ecstasy and pretty damn close to an out-of-body experience as far as I was concerned.

And then, oh yeah, there’s the best burger in the city in there! It kind of crept on me and acted like a chaser to the PBB&B taste. Two unspeakably tasty sandwiches in one. It was so much better than I anticipated. Outstanding bacon. Kick-ass peanut butter. And I don’t really care for bananas, but they totally worked here. Hard to believe (let alone describe) how such seemingly out-of-place tastes fit so well together, but by the time I left the building, I was the one singing the Elvis Burger’s praises.

“Wise men say/only fools rush in…

“but I can’t help/falling in love with you.”

Thankyou. Thankyouverymuch.

Windows 7 Whopper Takes Tokyo

Todd — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:18:40 +0000

Burger King has unleashed a gastronomical Godzilla on the people of Japan. In a cross-promotion with Microsoft to celebrate the debut of Windows 7, BKs across the Land of the Rising Sun have been offering customers a 7-patty Whopper. At five inches tall and well over two thousand calories, devouring this beefy behemoth is obviously not for the faint of heart.

Not for the light of wallet, either. For the first 30 customers each day over the course of the 7-day promotion, the Windows 7 Whopper costs 777 yen, or about eight and a half bucks. After the first 30 are gone, it’s about $17. But that hasn’t stopped the masses from lining up to try one.

That’s video game blogger CheapyD. He and his sidekick, CampingKev, can be seen on YouTube attacking the Windows 7 Whopper. Here’s the link so you can watch the 5:00 video. CheapyD describes the monster burger thusly: “It tastes like a Whopper. But it has a cow attached to it.” He doesn’t finish, claiming, “It’s hard to recommend the Windows 7 burger.” CampingKev, though, knifes and forks his way through all 7 patties and exclaims, “I’m just glad it wasn’t Windows 95.”

CNN also got into the act, sending reporter Kyung Lah to Tokyo for a first-mouth account. Here’s the 1:30-long video. She inhales the first bite and polishes off the last, but thanks to the magic of editing, you’ll never really know what happened to all those bites in between.

And this guy identifies himself as notevilspiderman. His 8-minute YouTube video shows what happened when he went into his local Burger King somewhere in the US and asked the manager to whip one of these up for him. He did, for $9.19 before tax, and notevilspiderman does the rest. Despite describing the Windows 7 Whopper as being “hard to hold” and “like eating an elephant,” notevilspiderman plows through the entire thing, and gets a BK crown and free chocolate chip cookies as his reward.

As well as our hearty congratulations. Well done, sir.

O’Charley’s Firecracker Burger Wrap

Todd — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:55:35 +0000

O’Charley’s is one of those places that I never think about, although I could hit it with a baseball from the grocery store, the Target, and the drugstore I frequent. There are 230+ locations in 20 states, but even if you’re listing just the “apostrophe-s” casual dining joints (Applebee’s, Chili’s, Friday’s, et al.), O’Charley’s is an afterthought.

Maybe that’s because their claim to fame is the hot rolls they serve when you’re seated. Don’t get me wrong; they’re damn tasty rolls. Over 129 million of them were baked last year. But if the single best thing you’ve got going for your restaurant is the free pre-meal bread, that’s not a ringing endorsement for what’s actually on the menu.

But I have this friend, Joe. Joe and I meet for lunch 2 or 3 times a year. The first time, we met at O’Charley’s because it was geographically convenient to us both. Now it’s our go-to place.

This last time Joe and I met, I realized that I’d never tried an O’Charley’s burger. Word is that they do a pretty mean chili cheeseburger. (But it wasn’t on the menu, so how good was it, really?) I skipped the standard cheeseburger variations: Mushroom Swiss Bacon, Three-Cheese Bacon, a grilled turkey burger. I also passed on their mini-burger platter, the Good Time Grillers. (I swear I just don’t get this fake-slyder trend and can’t wait for it to run its course.)

Then I noticed the Firecracker Burger Wrap, obviously a holdout from the last big food fad, the wrap. (“Of course it’s healthy! It’s in a tortilla!”) Here’s how O’Charley’s menu describes the Firecracker:

“A juicy all-beef patty covered with melted Monterey Jack cheese, then sliced and wrapped up burrito-style in a warm flour tortilla with lettuce, fresh Pico de Gallo, jalapenos, crispy onion tanglers, and zesty Cajun horseradish sauce.”

It was different enough to pique my interest, despite clearly being a way for the kitchen to unload ingredients already lying around. (That strategy can lead to some real disasters, like this.)

When it arrived, Joe expressed order envy; always a good sign that you’ve chosen wisely. And I have to say, it tasted awfully good. The pico and the onion “tanglers” provided crunch and added what food nerds like to call “mouth feel.” (Which, coincidentally, sounds like a move you’d try as a hormone-crazed teenager in the backseat on prom night.) The horseradish and jalapenos brought some zing to the party- just enough heat to please, not enough to bite back. And the burger itself, although having it sliced and rolled up amidst the other ingredients made it tough to tell for sure, was really very good. It’s a juicy little sandwich. If anything, perhaps a touch too juicy:

Not sure if that’s juice from the meat itself, or the melted cheese, or moisture sweating out of the pico, or the horseradish sauce, or all of the above, but the bottom of my tortilla was so soaked that it had sprung a full-blown leak way before I got to the last bite. Like the way ice cream starts to drain out of a waffle cone on a hot day. The equivalent of a soggy hamburger bun, I suppose. Messy, yes. But not a deal-breaker this time.

In short, the Firecracker Burger Wrap is something I’d definitely get again. I’m not sure it lures me into an O’Charley’s all on its own… but that’s OK. I’ve got another lunch with Joe in a few months.

Tony Stewart’s Whopper of a Polygraph

Todd — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:51:36 +0000

Burger King wrapped up a summer-long ad campaign this week by administering a polygraph test (commonly called a “lie detector test”) to NASCAR driver Tony Stewart. The point? To see if the BK spokesman really loves the Whopper cheeseburger as much as he claims in recent TV ads.

Anyone who has ever watched NASCAR knows that these guys are adept at pimping their sponsors, leading one to believe that they all really use the products whose logos are plastered on their race cars. It’s easy to assume that Dale Earnhardt, Jr. is a diehard Bud man (at least when he was sponsored by them), that you just might bump into Jimmie Johnson picking out a new toilet seat at your neighborhood Lowe’s, or that Mark Martin isn’t just a stud on the track but also a stud in the bedroom thanks to his endorsement deal with Viagra.

Some sponsor-driver relationships seem like a stretch (does anyone really believe that Darrell Waltrip has ever opened a box of Tide laundry detergent?), but the Tony Stewart-Burger King connection felt honest. I mean, look at the guy:

It’s easy to imagine Stewart hitting the drive-thru for a flame-broiled bacon double cheeseburger. Or three. His nickname is “Smoke.” But hooking up to a lie detector and being grilled live on the Internet about whether or not you “love” your major corporate sponsor’s flagship product is a bold move.

Stewart, seated in a starkly-lit cop-show interrogation-room setting, faced a slew of questions submitted by fans on a variety of topics. Each Q-and-A was accompanied by “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”-esque sound effects and camera moves, as the machine measured microscopic changes in Tony’s blood pressure, skin conductance, and breathing. A dramatic thumbs-up or thumbs-down from polygraph examiner John Grogan indicated whether or not Stewart had answered truthfully. Some questions were silly, some were insightful, and some were a little more personal than Tony clearly wanted.

Do you sing in the shower? Yes.

Have you read a book in the last two years? No.

Have you ever done a donut on public property? Yes.

Have you ever cried after losing a race? Yes.

All were honest answers, according to Grogan. But Tony tried to fake out the machine a few times:

Have you ever gone commando under your firesuit? No.

Can you walk past a mirror without checking yourself out? Yes.

Do you ever notice hot women in the stands during a race? Not really.

Grogan accused Stewart of lying each time. “He’s a better driver than he is a liar,” he deadpanned. Stewart admitted, “All right, maybe I do (check out hot women in the stands). Maybe during a caution.”

When asked about his preferred way of having a Whopper, Tony answered, “without pickles and onions.” True. Then, the real moment of truth.

“Tony Stewart, do you love the Whopper?” “Yes, I love the Whopper.”

Grogan gave the thumbs-up, a confetti cannon went off, and two buxom models wearing checker-flagged jumpsuits and celebratory sashes presented Smoke with a Whopper of his own.

No big surprise, I suppose. No one expected this to go any way other than the King’s. But it was a clever piece of marketing that BK got a lot of mileage out of. And I guess for a job like that, there’s nobody better than a guy who goes full-speed for several hundred miles every weekend.

The hour-long polygraph test is currently being re-broadcast at the top of each hour here. BK says you’ll be able to call it up on demand soon.

Yummy Tuna Burgers

Tina — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 03:58:03 +0000

Burgers aren’t just for beef lovers anymore. If you are a fan of seafood, listen up!

Here’s a great recipe for tuna burgers.

Ingredients:

1 (6 ounce) can tuna, drained
1 egg
1/2 cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs
1/3 cup minced onion
1/4 cup minced celery
1/4 cup minced red bell pepper
1/4 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons chili sauce
1/2 teaspoon dried dill weed
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 dash hot pepper sauce
1 dash Worcestershire sauce
4 hamburger buns
1 tomato, sliced
4 leaves of lettuce

Directions:

Combine tuna, egg, bread crumbs, onion, celery, red bell pepper, mayonnaise, hot chili sauce, chili sauce, dill, salt, pepper, hot pepper sauce and Worcestershire sauce in a bowl. Mix well.
Shape into 4 patties and refrigerate for 30 minutes to make the patties easier to handle.

Cook:

Coat a non-stick skillet with cooking spray and drop patties in for 3 to 4 minutes per side, or until cooked through. These are fragile, so be careful when turning them.
Serve on buns with tomato slices and lettuce leaves.

Charlie the tuna won’t like this recipe, but you sure will. Try this one out and let us know how you liked it.