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The Elvis Burger: A Hunka Hunka Oh-My-God

By • Oct 30th, 2009 • Category: Burger Blog

I’d been waiting for months to get back to the Vortex Bar and Grill in Atlanta’s uber-funky Little Five Points neighborhood.  Living up in the ‘burbs with my white picket fence and my homeowners’ association dues and a minivan in my garage, swinging by my all-time favorite burger spot isn’t as simple as I’d like.  I’d driven by plenty of times on my way here or there, had some plans with my wife fall through at the last minute back in September, and almost carved out time before a concert last month.  But I hadn’t been back to the home of my B.C.O.M.L. in way too long.


Thankfully, I got a call from a friend looking for a good burger “on her side of town.”  After informing her that these were perhaps the best burgers on any side of any town, we met up.  No menu needed; I already knew exactly what I was getting.

Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present the Elvis Burger:


According to the Vortex’s wickedly witty menu, this half-pound hunk of burning love is “slathered with a King-sized helpin’ of smooth peanut butter, bacon, and fried bananas.”

My friend thought it was a joke.  You know, like it’s printed on the menu for a good laugh, but not really available. But when our tattooed waitress jotted it down without skipping a beat and asked how I wanted it cooked, my friend freaked out just a little bit.

“Wait a minute.  How many of those do you actually sell?!?”

Our waitress couldn’t really grasp why one would ask.  “A lot,” she shrugged.

My mouth was literally watering as I waited.  I’d been thinking about this burger since my first Double Coronary Burger.  After my 24-hour fullness had subsided, I set my sights on Elvis, the next-most-outrageous burger on the menu.  I’d been ready to get in touch with my inner Fat Elvis for months.  And now, it was mere minutes away.

It was absolutely beautiful when it arrived at the table.


But I only learned this later.  They keep it pretty dark in the Vortex anyway, but add their week-before-Halloween decorations and an overcast day, and it was like being in a cave.  If not for a camera with a flash, I’d still have no idea what the Elvis looked like.

But I know exactly what it tastes like. The first sensation is the rush of creamy peanut butter.  It floods your mouth with an oh-so-perfect salty sweetness (or is it sweet saltiness?).  The bacon and fried bananas instantly blend with the peanut butter as you chew, and I was struck with the thought: if the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll had his own personal chef making peanut-butter-banana-and-bacon sandwiches for him on command 24/7, why the hell did he need drugs?!? This was pure ecstasy and pretty damn close to an out-of-body experience as far as I was concerned.


And then, oh yeah, there’s the best burger in the city in there! It kind of crept on me and acted like a chaser to the PBB&B taste.  Two unspeakably tasty sandwiches in one.  It was so much better than I anticipated.  Outstanding bacon.  Kick-ass peanut butter.  And I don’t really care for bananas, but they totally worked here.  Hard to believe (let alone describe) how such seemingly out-of-place tastes fit so well together, but by the time I left the building, I was the one singing the Elvis Burger’s praises.

“Wise men say/only fools rush in…

“but I can’t help/falling in love with you.”

Thankyou.  Thankyouverymuch.

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4 Responses to “The Elvis Burger: A Hunka Hunka Oh-My-God”

  1. 1
    lol Says:

    you must never have tried eating while on drugs

  2. 2
    dumbassputyrnamehere Says:

    hummm, you guys did realize elvis was severely allergic to peanuts? (right?)

  3. 3
    josh Says:

    No….. elvis was definitley not allergic to peanuts……..

  4. 4
    noah Says:

    oh yes…. that almost perfect.
    I think a sunny side up goes really well with this holy trinity of fatty sweetness and savory. yoke cover’s them to magnificent-near-erotic experience. those four are my all time favorite combination and (in my version) this burger is called “the whistling nomad”.
    picture still makes my buds extremely active.

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